I am poisoned.
 
Senses weakening, lethargy taking over as my body fights to conserve energy.
Sight dimming, toxicity levels rising with each passing hour,
each passing day that your antidote is so far away.
 
No one ever told me Cupid dipped his arrows before taking aim,
that such emotion was so powerful, ethereal, but also capable of vast devastation.
I realise now that the hope of you was keeping it in check,
a belief in something bigger than myself which created sufficient antibodies.
Feverish perhaps, but knowing our words would be exchanged, heart fluttering
because I knew you were there. Giving me your time, if only in a virtual fashion.
 
But it was enough. Just.
 
I think that is the reason missing you goes beyond mere physicality, emotion, passions or desires.
Why this slow and increasingly painful defeat of my soul makes me doubt myself.
Doubts I have not had for so very long, and under very different circumstance,
the urge, need. Aloneness and solitude biting into me more and more.
 
Your touch, kiss, love…. A perfect remedy for life’s greatest gift.
Your touch, kiss, love…… Gone. A perfect reminder of life’s greatest agony.
 
To know I, for a brief moment, was part of something magical.
The pain pales next to that.
 
…………Time to sleep.
Steve B 12/08
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