I know she is happy, so why am I so sad?
For all I wanted was just that, her happiness…..
But surely not at the expense of my own.
Maybe that is how life punishes those who fail to live up to their potential,
by dangling perfection in front of them, then laughing as they lose the dream.
How cruel can existence be, when choice is meaningless?
When what we do has no bearing, when who we are can be altered,
yet why should we?
We live, learn and grow, as part of moving through space and time.
Isn’t it enough to just be the person we are?
Does their have to be conditions, a table of positives and negatives?
The scales in our hands, weighing up the balance, watching it tip from one side
to the other as we get to know a person as two lives unfold together.
Until it becomes too much.
So I am sad, knowing she is happy isn’t enough.
For it isn’t me creating that sense of renewed joy,
just wishing it was, dreaming of being a part of more.
It burns the very heart that yearns to be set free,
but I’d rather have a charred heart, than no heart left at all.
Steve B 07/08