As I lay down, the silence is shattered by the sound of my thoughts.
the darkness illuminated by the colours swirling behind my closed eyelids.
I try to block it all out, but succeed in only waking myself further.
The problems are questions I cannot answer,
the lack of resolutions only serve to create new problems.
The end result is a cacophony of sight and sound, keeping me conscious
despite every other part of me screaming out for release.
But I know it is pitch black, and nothing can be heard.
My mind keeps asking to see things through the eyes of another,
to understand the difference in the realities,
and how we all experience the world in different ways.
In trying this I reach out for those answers,
stretch my overtired self to some form of satisfaction.
I find the solace of ignorance appealing.
But only for a second.
I want to let go of it all, yet I want to keep it in myself as well.
Cutting it all loose will only take away the pain in the short term,
it won’t answer the questions.
It can’t make me forget my desires,
my hopes for what might have been,
the dreams which I am now unable to get to.
Resolving to search my memories, filter my experiences and focus
on what I didn’t at the time.
Then take this into tomorrow, and see the worlds as others do,
how their differences and similarities crossover into my own sense of perception.
Perhaps the answers will come, with this knowledge of now and the future,
enabling me to put to rest my failings of the past.
Then I can truly learn to move on,
find new passions to pour my heart into;
Let go of what I had, and cry my last tears.
And so, with a sense of reinvigoration I see the darkness, and hear the silence.
A gentle sigh, and the back of my hand to rub the wetness from my cheek,
the pain gone from my stomach as the knots unfurl….
And sleep, at last.
Steve B 11/07