The feelings have waned and all that is left
is an emptiness and sorrow I cannot describe.
She is in my life and I want her to be happy,
and perhaps she is in the world she inhabits.
She is beautiful and refined, a woman of distinction.
It is now so obvious to me now that we could not have made it work.
The places we’re from and what we expected were so different,
we got caught up in those moments of passion which clouded the Sun.
My intellect and love could not gloss over the cracks,
those natural parts of my being that forced her from me.
Those passionate moments though, so unforgettable.
I find myself crying in despair knowing I won’t know them again,
yearning deep within to feel her against me, even fleetingly.
Wishing for a chance to be desired as I once was,
and to satisfy her physical needs once more.
Hoping to just gaze upon her when she attains that nirvana,
the zenith of her enlightenment, the plateau of her physicality.
Her softness pervades my every waking thought,
curves and tactility that my hands need to touch.
Less is more and it was a lesson I thought I learnt well,
but perhaps never again will I be able to apply those teachings.
I sit and wonder if she has found someone who can.
A man who is where I long to be, doing what I long to do.
Even if I wanted to, I know what comes after cannot compare.
It was a perfect physical union and we were as one in those ecstatic moments.
Perhaps not ultimately matched to one another as people,
what we had for a while I will never experience again.
Thoughts of her and I together invade my attempts to sleep,
the pit of my stomach twists and convulses.
It is almost as if my very being hates me for what happened.
Her passion and lust so powerful and addictive,
now I am going through withdrawal, hurting and needful.
No respite from those wants and I can’t simply stop,
torn in two whenever we simply chat.
Tears running down my face remind me to blink,
face curled up in my hands waiting for her to ask me to be there.
But she won’t ask me again, my head tells me so,
and now there is a chorus as heart finally realises too.
Knowing that the best is behind me heightens the appreciation of what has gone.
Only restlessness and those memories are waiting for me,
longing for the strength to finally let go and to move on.
To fall asleep and have a dream in which I am happy once more.
Steve B 08/06